Speaker-Listener Technique
Dr. Richard Shropshire - The Barnabas Connection
Most conversations in our culture are like a tennis match: one person is preparing to "serve", attempting to send the "ball" to the other with the express purpose of making it difficult, if not impossible, to return "serve".
Even while that person's preparations are taking place, the other person is attempting to anticipate and strategize so that he might "return serve" in such a way so that the other person is unable to successfully respond.
In conversational terms, we try to present our argument - our attempt to prove our point, while dismissing our partner's view - in such a way that our partner can make no response. And our partner is probably doing the same thing.
And no communication takes place. No exchange of ideas is facilitated. And, as a result we do not avail ourselves of our partner's unique insights, understandings, and giftings; and we miss an opportunity to further deepen the relationship.
Good relational conversation is more like a game of "catch" where the intent is to make it possible for our partner to receive the "ball" in a successful manner, and to send it back to us in a beneficial way. Sharing of ideas in an atmosphere of mutual respect is the goal, and the result is an increased intimacy.
To enable that kind of communication, try the "speaker-listener" technique.
1. Choose a neutral object - something that can be held easily in one's hand.
2. That object designates the one who is the speaker.
3. That person is the only one with "permission" to speak - the only response that the other person is permitted is the asking of questions or the making of statements to clarify what they think is being said. ("When you said . . . did you mean?" "This is what I think you are saying to me? Am I correct?") No matter how silly or outrageous the "speaker's" statement may be, the only permitted response of the "listener" is to attempt to clarify what they "received". The purpose of this technique is to equip one to be an active listener - to facilitate relational communication.
4. Then, the "speaker" passes the object to the "listener" who then assumes the role of "speaker" and the roles are reversed.
NOTE: Be aware of our "attention spans". If the "speaker" is holding on to the object for long periods of time, the "listener" is probably no longer listening, and communication is short-circuited.
REMEMBER: The goal of relational communication is to avail ourselves of the unique insights and understandings of our partner, not to prove them wrong. You may be amazed at what they know when you really listen.
